Small Business blues

I'm going to be very honest and vulnerable here and it's scary.

This time last year, I was newly pregnant (before my loss), getting multiple orders a day, participating in events that had been huge long term goals for me. I was on track for my best year yet.

I'm not going to reach my business goals this year. I've done almost no events all year. This isn't my best year yet. Instagram is fake. I post sales and discount codes that no one uses. I kid myself by posting "buy now before we run out" knowing that I'm getting exactly ZERO orders. I might get a few orders over the course of a month, but certainly not the holiday rush I was worried about navigating with an infant.

Sometimes.... Honestly, I feel like I can't give my products away. I spend money on ads that get zero results. I boost traffic to my site, but no one even makes it to checkout, let alone actually orders something. I feel like I don't know what I'm doing... Probably because I don't know what I'm doing. I have to wonder whether or not there's even a place for my business out there. If people actually wanted my stuff, shouldn't I be getting orders? Are my fabric print choices bad? Is my stuff just sitting in stores? No one is saying anything good or leaving reviews... Are they just too nice to say anything bad? Is my website broken and I haven't noticed? (Yes, this has happened multiple times and makes me feel incredibly stupid)

This is obviously a bit of a pity party, and just one of the many ways that mental health impacts me. Things are not going great right now (in many facets of my life, not just my business) and I'm taking a minute to wallow in my sadness. My brain likes to tell me that everything sucks and I suck and I should just give up, but I'm still here. Running a business is hard. Running a business when things are at a standstill is heartbreaking. Watching others post their piles of holiday orders brings me to tears sometimes. I know comparison is the thief of joy, but it's just so fucking hard. It's so hard to wish it was my pile of orders, but also acknowledge that I have zero capacity to manage that level of business activity. It just fucking sucks.

Thanks for listening.

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