7 Days

It's been 7 days. 7 days of choosing not to binge eat.

Hmmm.... That's not what you were expecting to read. I know... But I'm proud of this win and wanted to share.

My relationship with food and my body is challenging at best. Most days it's a struggle of epic proportions, compounded by growing three humans in this body and the effects of said human growing.

Most of my life, I was skinny. Not healthy... Just skinny. Malnourished really. I wasn't taught how to be/eat healthy. I was only taught that "treat" foods we're off limits and locked up (literally locked up - my mom would lock food in her bedroom). So of course, as soon as I gained some independence, I began bingeing on food that I wasn't "allowed" to have. Over time, I've gone from being borderline anorexic to using food as a coping strategy for stress and bingeing has become a habit.

So a week ago, I decided to break this habit. I am making the choice everyday to not binge and eliminating my trigger foods. Most triggers for me are sweet/sugary, so I've been going through withdrawal. I wanted to give up many times and just grab the bag of cookies, but I didn't.

This is the first step in getting to a place of non-hatred with my body. I'm not looking at the scale or counting calories. I'm not trying to lose the baby weight. I'm not interested in society's expectations of body and size. I just want to be at peace with my body.

I would be remiss if I didn't also acknowledge the support and love from a dear friend and coach, Rebecca. She specializes in eating disorder recovery and I have been fortunate to have her in my life for almost three years. Having a cheerleader in my corner has helped me immensely on this ongoing journey and I'm so grateful.

I don't really have an eloquent ending here. I just wanted to share my success and be honest with myself (and apparently the internet) about where I'm at. I am still struggling and this journey is far from complete, but I'm going to keep going, 1 day at a time.


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